Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize