I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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