I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
