He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize