fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
