You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My liver just had a heart attack.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
