Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
