Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
