I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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