if you like me you must not know who I am
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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