I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
