There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
