Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He has the fingertips of a God
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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