I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
