then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
