I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
