Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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