just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
