You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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