I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
