He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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