Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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