Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When did angry sex become our thing?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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