I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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