I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
