so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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