i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
