Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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