I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
