I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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