Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the day after is always just damage control
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
