She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
