Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How naked do you want me to be?
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