Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my shit smells like andre
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
