Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
