After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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