Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
