I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
