i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
