I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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