How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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