that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
