He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
