Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize