This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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