After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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