We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You pole danced in your parka.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
