Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
