Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize