Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
