She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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