Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
