I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
