I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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