i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
