haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
