She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
