I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize