Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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