I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
