Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
