well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
