If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
