I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
