"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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