Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
