It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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