Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
