Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
