genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When are your genitals available?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
