Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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