my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
