It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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