Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
