The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
