Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
