I wish my penis had an off switch
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
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