I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize