Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
