he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
