Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
