I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
3pm strippers are depressing
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
