and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
