I wish they made helmets for livers.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
