you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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