i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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