Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
