He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
