cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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