Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
foreskin is a definite game changer
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
