sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
