it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
