i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
