Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
